They May Never See You… And That’s Okay!
I know it’s been, like, a year since I’ve posted, but to my defense, I pushed out a human and the adjustment… it’ll be a post for sure.
There has been this recurring theme I’m seeing play out that I want to speak on. Remember, this is my site and my thoughts. You don’t have to agree, but we can be respectful. Amen? Amen.
Let’s just jump straight to it. You’ve seen plenty a story where someone goes waaaay out of their way or character for someone that doesn’t deserve it. We see it in romantic partnerships all the time and wonder why they can’t see that the other person isn’t good for them. I mean, I lived that, but this isn’t about that situation. It is usually described as a “daddy issue” but let’s be real - it’s definitely an upbringing issue, and one that’s rarely talked about.
Kids do it all the time - call your name fifty-leven times to do some weird spin-jump combo or something. They just want your attention. In some situations, they grow up and are still vying for their parents’ attention. Once it plays out in a romantic partnership, then it’s “she/he has mommy/daddy issues” and that’s as far as it goes. Let’s talk about that…
I was told for as long as I can remember that I was smart. I don’t remember much as far as being told I was anything else from my father. I do, however, remember him comparing me to my older, light skin, active/athletic cousin with the long hair and hazel eyes. I remember him saying that I was smart and she was pretty. I may have been in middle school when he said this. Now here I am, many years removed from that and I remember him saying it as if he said it this morning. So what happened to that little girl? She had to be smart, because in her head, that’s all she had because his niece was the pretty one. So what happened when she, well I rather, no longer felt smart? Well, don’t we thank God for therapy?!
Here’s the thing - I am not alone in this. I have seen it time and time again of broken adults; adults who will work themselves to the bone and beyond, all because somewhere deep down, they want their adult parent or guardian to SEE them. They don’t know that - I didn’t even until I sat down with myself. I’ve heard about accepting the apology you’ll never receive, but how does that work when you still have to deal with the very adults who’ve let you down? How does one move past the past when it’s still current?
Honestly, I don’t have thee answer. What has worked for me is putting people where they belong, not letting the term “family” be the ties that bind. I have the best family I’ve created and adopted, and realizing all kin ain’t family. I realize that everyone isn’t perfect and parenting doesn’t come with instructions (shoutout to my mama!!), however, if someone wants to be in your life, they will make the effort. The ones whose approval I once craved or apologies I hoped for, I let it go. I can see these adults that I once saw as entities as humans now - flawed, broken, selfish humans.
I forgive those who’ve let me down and celebrate those who lift me up. They may never see you, but you continue to shine. It’s not easy to accept, I TOTALLY get it, but their inability is not your handicap.
In case you need it:
I love you
I’m proud of you
It will get better
YAAAAASSSSSS
You’re doing amazing
Don’t give up
Let me know your thoughts in the comments :)
