Marriage So Far - 1.5 Years In

So… I technically married my high school sweetheart…

I say technically because he was initially my best friend and we started dating during the summer going into our senior year. It was also that year that he was kicked out and attended another school. So that still counts right?

So that was 2005. We didn’t marry until 2019. 

There was a lot of life that happened between the two of us over the years. A lot of growing, learning, “learning opportunities”, etc. One thing that didn’t change is the love we had for each other. 

I knew from the start, as a teenager, that he was my husband. The way that I loved and trusted him was something I had never experienced before, and honestly, never experienced with anyone else. It was something I felt within me that I still cannot explain. It’s like coming home after a long trip. My husband is really my best friend. He is home; I can be completely open and naked with him without any fear. 

But lets be real - marriage is still a relationship. It is two people who wake up daily and choose one another. It is work. It is showing up when you don’t feel like it. It’s not 50/50; it’s 100/100. You have to give your all to this thing to make it work. 

Our wedding & reception was *chef kiss*.  Some said it felt like a family reunion. Honestly, it was the best! I didn’t have everything I wanted and it was NOTHING like I dreamed, but it was perfect. I wanted to have so much more but my then fiancee reminded me often that the wedding is just one day. I tried to come back and say things like “but it’s our wedding day!” or “but we only get one shot!’, but he wasn’t falling for it AT ALL. However, he had a great point - the wedding is one day. This marriage… THIS MARRIAGE IS FOR LIFE, and chiiiiiiiilllllle. Just think about the days you’re irritated with your significant other and you just stay at the crib or hang with your peoples and see bae when y’all feel like it. That’s not marriage. You better have a cave/room/basement/something so that yall can go cool off and come back. 

To keep this post short and sweet, I’ll keep it to an overview. Being married to my best friend was one of the best things to happen to me. However, the wedding is literally one day and you’re going to have to work daily to make your marriage work. “Work” isn’t a daunting word either, because you have to work for fun things too. As I type this, I am “working” on hubs’ birthday weekend. I am “working’ on Christmas. On the flip side, I’m working on my nerves because today is a day that I just want to be left alone with snacks and binge watch all the shows I want to watch. My husband isn’t very emotional or extroverted so I’m sure that he has to “work” to deal with the fact that I’m both of those things. Also, you have to “work” on yourself while your spouse works on themselves. 

This is not to bash marriage or scare you. It’s to be real. Often we, myself included, have this perception of what we think marriage will be. We think that going into this union will be a cake walk because you love a person so much. You see things in other relationships that you want or don’t want and think you can go in and apply that. Remember, beloved, that there’s also another person with their own views, ideas, fears, desires, etc., that’s coming into this, and you’re going to have to work together to, basically, marry those ideas and personalities. 

I think I am becoming my best self since being a Mrs., but that’s because of timing and space. That’ll be on another posting, so stay tuned. 

Take care of yourselves. Drink water.  Be kind to yourself; you’re doing the best you can.